P. Diddy has Tourette's Syndrome

P.Diddy went to NYC's Gold Bar last night and when the lady behind the counter asked how many people were in his party he replies "you fucking bitch". That's all the proof I need to make my medical diagnosis.

Get well Farrah

Farrah Fawcett's cancer has returned and now she's in Germany seeking alternative treatments. Doctors have a bloody pill for everything and a cure for nothing. Fucking pharmaceutical companies. The Control Room is pulling for you Farah. Get well soon.

Have I got a scent for you!

Both Brittney and Paris released the new posters for their perfumes today. For some women Channel #5 is classy, but if you feel like smelling trashy then these fragrances may be more your style. Essence of slut.

Oprah!!!........I hate you.

Oprah $260 million per year / Trump $32 million per year...what's wrong with this picture?

Get well soon...

As you may have heard, David Beckham rushed back to England yesterday to be with his father who suffered a heart attack. It seems that the two have been on the outs for a few years now. For some reason and heaven knows I can't figure it out, dad doesn't like Victoria. Can't figure out why. Well for what it's worth, good luck dad and get well soon. Your son needs you.

Raise your hand if you're getting sick of this

Every friggin day it starts buzzing around the internet. It's the question that no one can let go of...is Jennifer Lopez pregnant. Monday: pregnant, Tuesday: not pregnant, Wednesday: pregnant. Want to guess what she is today? That's right she's NOT FUCKING PREGNANT!!!

I can't stand this bitch and one look at her fugly husband and I have to ask, who would want to see an offspring from this union? It would be like giving birth to an ugly version of Quasimodo. God, I think I'm going to loose my lunch.

Please make them stop...

The bright boys over at NBC apparently have been inspired by the success of the Transformers movie to bring back Knight Rider as a television series. They're going to start off with a two hour made for TV movie and if it does well produce the series for next year. I think that it's a pretty safe bet that every car manufacturer on the planet is going to try to get in on this shit.

There's no way this is worth $47,100

Some idiot paid $47,100 smackers to get his kid a bit part in a Will Ferrell film. It was done at an acution to raise money for cancer. Good cause, suck ass prize.

Are they still going on about this???

Shilpa Shetty (the Indian actress who kissed Richard Gere and freaked out India 5 months ago) was stopped by airport security in Mumbai India and held for several hours for questioning before being allowed to proceed on to her destination. Apparently there was still an arrest warrant out for her for violation India's anti-obsenity laws. Wow, can these dudes hold a grudge or what? I'm scratching this one of my vacation list.

You can stop looking smug now...

The party is officially over for Kanye West. After smacking down 50 Cent in album sales Reba McEntire just took the #1 spot on Billboard with her new album Reba Duets. Lets digest that one for a second. You got your ass handed to you by Reba McEntire. Hang your head in shame Kanye, hang your head.

Canned what???

Paris Hilton is barred from Oktoberfest this year. Apparently she showed up last year dressed in a Bavarian outfit to promote canned wine. I don't know about you but nothing says classy to me like canned wine. Is this crap made by the people who brought you wine in a box? Those homeless dudes are getting sophisticated!

Angelina is also holier than thou

Angelina Jolie is also attending the Clinton Global Initiative conference. Is it just me or she increasingly beginning to look like she's morphing into some kind of undead zombie...hmmm...would explain all of those fresh brains, oh I meant babies. She's all about the kids people!

Uma's scootin' around

She's scooting around Manhattan riding one of those ridiculious looking scooters you see 5 year olds using. It's nice that she's staying fit but for God's sake could somebody feed that poor woman a cookie or something!?! She keeps this up and soon we'll be able to see through her! We'd better hold a benefit concert or something.

Yes another DUI!!!

This time it's Vivica A. Fox. Is there anyone left in Hollywood who has NOT been pulled over for DUI???...anyone?...hello...

(tumbleweed rolls by as crickets chirp)

She's blonde again

I don't give a damn what the hell color she changes her hair to, Sarah Jessica Parker is still one of the most repulsive women I have ever seen!

Kayne on the move!

Kayne West attended the US Weekly party with his fiancee. She's smokin! Kayne is obiviously basking in the glow on his total smack down of 50 Cent and is now just adding insult to injury. Why don't you just pour some lemon juice on his open wounds and have done with it already?

...oh by the way

Pauly Shore is gay....not surprising.

Pauly Shore found someone who could tolerate him for more than 5 minutes....truly shocking.

Holier than Thou

Brad "I'm better than you" Pitt was at the Clinton Global Initiative conference yesterday and apparently wants to build 150 eco-friendly affordable homes in New Orleans. Just somebody please explain to me what the fuck an eco-friendly home is supposed to be. This going green thing is starting to make me go green, because I'm sick of it!

...and I'm still waiting for him and Angelina to adopt and American crack baby. They need homes too man, have a heart.

N-Sync'in baby!

Gay-C (not going to comment, too easy) of N-Sync got dropped by his record label. So I guess now he's got some time to oh I don't know, maybe GET SOME TALENT!

...although I do give him better odds than Brittney.

I'm stunned...

Jackass (star?) Steve-O was on the Howard Stern show and made the startling revelation that at a party once Lindsey Lohan stole his cocaine.

...no cops were listening were they?

Break some wind baby!

As we all know Tom Cruise is in Germany filming his latest film about nazi renegades. He got permission to film at the location where Count Von Stauffenburg and his collaborators were shot and asked for a moment of silence...when somebody farted. Do I even need to tell you that Tom got pissed, I think not.

When you got legal trouble like Michael Vick sometime you just need to chill

As if this idiot was not in enough trouble already, now he's tested positive for marijuana. Smooth move MIKE! What's next? How about hitting a bus load of nuns while whacked out on smack! Just when you think these guys can't get any dumber they make me proud and go that extra mile.

Want to freak out a celebrity?

How's this for nuts, Roy Scheider was approached by an obsessed fan who wanted for him to sign a photo that he took with him back in 1980. Where there is part of me that can understand that, what would bug me out is the guy telling me that he knows where I live and knows that I was planning on selling my house.

Take my advice Roy, go home, triple padlock the front door and make sure you got a shotgun in one hand and bottle of whiskey in the other. YOU'RE NOT SAFE!!!!!

The Control Room Is Now Active

Welcome to the Control Room where I will bring you only the finest in celebrity gossip reporting (or as my friend calls it "yentaing") with a healthy dose of sarcasm, wit and a healthier dose of my personal slant on everything. Feel free to send me an e-mail if you like what you read.