The Control Room - Celebrity News and News of Interest: 2007

Friday, December 28, 2007

Jessica Simpson is a blockbuster movie actress.

When I heard this one I couldn't even believe that it was true. Simpson's latest movie, Blonde Ambition was going to go straight to DVD when some genius decided to put it in a few theaters for the weekend. It grossed...wait for it...$1,332.00. Yes, you heard that one but I'll repeat it in case your brain couldn't process the information. That's one thousand three hundred and thirty two dollars. That has to be some kind of record. I wonder how her next movie will do, keep your fingers crossed! I know she can do it!

Another DUI...wow.

Rebecca De Moray (remember her?) was formally charged with two counts of DUI stemming from her October 30 arrest. She blew a .09 on the breathalyzer, ouch just .01 over the limit. I'm beginning to form the opinion that Hollywood is turning driving under the influence into some kind of new extreme sport. In any case, I'm seriously considering changing this blog to covering celebrity DUI's exclusively. I should have enough material to keep going indefinitely.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

This is not Paris Hilton's day.

Barron Hilton the 80 year old patriarch of the Hilton family has announced that when he dies he's leaving 97% of his fortune to charity. Apparently this still leaves 130 million for the rest of the family to share but considering the way they go through cash that can't possibly last for very long and they have to pay taxes on it. I can't imagine that Paris is too happy about this but I'm not too worried, Paris always finds a way to bounce back.

...and Barron considers her an embarrassment to the family which probably didn't help when he was making his decisions.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Security firm or mercenary outfit you decide.

1Britney's got a new bodyguard and you won't believe who it is. None other that Aaron Cohen, the same guy from IMS Security that K-Fed used to hand out tons of sopena's a little while back. Gotta pay your bills might as well work for the highest bidder. I wonder what this guy charges? He used to be with the Moussad, Israel's billy baddass spy service. Which makes him trained in the art of ripping your arms off and beating you senseless with them.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Ike Turner has passed away.

Ike died in his home in California yesterday. I'm actually shocked since I had no idea that the dude was 76 years old. Ike Turner was a man who's image will forever be overshadowed by his reputation as a drug user and wife beater. While he never denied that he had used drugs he always denied that he had ever harmed his former wife Tina Turner. Whatever the truth may be I don't know I wasn't there. However, it must be said that Ike Turner was one of the pioneering founders of Rock and Roll and his contributions to that have been overlooked for many years. Whatever he did or did not do does not effect that.

Rest in Peace.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Update: Now it's an anxiety attack.

Britney Spears' friend Sam Lufti tells PEOPLE in an e-mail: "She's sick, both physically and high anxiety. Millions of press outside. It's too much."

Anxiety?!? Are you friggin kidding me??? We're talking about a woman who runs over people, blasts through stop signs and red lights and drives the wrong way on the street without a problem. Britney knows no fear! Anxiety over some questions being asked? Don't give me that crap!

Britney didn't show for court...I know I'm shocked too.

1Britney didn't show up for her deposition at court today due to a "medical problem" (probably the caffeine and sugar again. I think this is the fifth time she blew it off. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that K-Fed's lawyer Mark David Kaplan is throwing a fit. The thing I don't get is how she gets away with defying a judge. Isn't that like, against the law or something? Maybe I just don't get it.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Britney's stealing crap now.

Ok, not the biggest crime in the world as far as Britney's concerned but TMZ is reporting that Brit stole a $1.39 cigarette lighter from a gas station and a photog ended up paying for it. This chick makes $700,000 dollars a month for doing absolutely nothing. Am I alone in not getting it?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Britney is totally a better parent than K-Fed

1An inside source tells OK Magazine that Britney believes that she is the better parent. She's also sick of court, lawyers, court appointed, monitors and parenting coaches and wants things to be like they used to be so she when no one interfered with her and how she raises her kids and everyone had to do what she said. Please note the phrase "raises her kids" because the last time I checked she didn't. Joan Crawford was a more nurturing mother. But hey, she's Britney, she's famous. I'm sure the court will see things her way.1

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Get the hell out of California!

The wildfires in California have taken on a life of their own and are still raging out of control. 400 square miles and 1200 homes have been engulfed in flames. More than 300,000 people have been ordered to leave their homes including many for your favorite celebrities. I don't need to tell you they've got a state of emergency out there. You know you've got problems when it gets so bad that the evacuation centers need to be evacuated. The government is telling people to stay off the roads and to not use their cell phones as to not impede emergency workers. Time to get the fuck out of Dodge.

*Update: The number of evacuees is in excess of 500,000.

Nick Hogan is a self absorbed douche.

Nick Hogan updated his myspace blog two months after his car accident that left his friend with irreversable brain damage. I'll let Nick speak for himself.

I quote:

"omggggg its been forever since i blogged...hell i dont even know what blog means but i guess its where you write stuff for people to read

anyways my last one was before i even drove for mopar, if you check my pics youll see that i did end up driving for them for my amateur season and most of my pro rookie season. i recently left the mopar team tho...things didnt work out to well but!....i picked up a new title sponsor...POLAROID! and started my own team with twin 350z's pretty cool i know

anyways id like everyone to wish my luck for my 08 season and keep john graziano in your prayers"

End quote. I'm speechless.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Roseanne rags out Britney

Roseanne totally went off on Britney and her mom on her blog. Pretty much the gist of it boils down to Brit's an unfit mother, get your act together, Britney's mom is 100% responsible for all of this and if Britney's mom didn't pimp her out like Jon Benet Ramsey this would never have happened in the first place. You know, the usual stuff. You know you've got some problems when you get parenting advice from Roseanne.

Dumbledore is totally gay.

Author J.K. Rowling revealed Friday that the Dumbledore character is gay. So let me make sure I got this straight (get it?). Not even bearing in mind the fact that I can't stand it when someone famous decides to take on politics and not bearing in mind the fact that she probably didn't want to reveal it sooner because she didn't want to hurt book sales. You have a book directed towards children about a kid going to a magical school that is run by a gay dude...brilliant. The Potter creep out factor just went through the friggin roof people.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Cameron Douglas totally digs coke.

Michael Douglas' 28 year old son Cameron (he's the one on the right that's not taking Viagra) got picked up with a friend for misdemeanor possession of cocaine and a hypodermic needle. This happened back in July but it's making news now because he's going to be put on trial and they're arraigning him on November 16. They're also slapping on an additional charge of being under the influence of a controlled substance at the time based on the Sheriff's testimony. He's a third generation celebrity so I'm pretty sure he'll be fine. His friend however had better start sweating right about...now.

The cops raid Britney's house, oh wait it's David Copperfield.

The cops raided a warehouse owned by David Copperfield and made off with his computer hard drive, digital camera and 2 million dollars in cash (would have thought a dude like David Copperfield would have been able to hide that stuff better) anyway, a woman from Seattle is saying that he raped her in the Bahamas in July...but didn't report it until now...because she wanted to wait until she got back to the United States...so no rape kit was ever done...meaning no evidence (unless he took some pictures on that camera but who would be that stupid?)...meaning near impossible to prove. Is it me or does this not sound kosher to you either?

(Image from http://www.hecklerspray.com/)

*Update: The F.B.I. says that the stories of the 2 million taken are false.

Forget it, today is just about Britney.

I think I'm starting to OD on Britney cause it's beginning to look like almost all the other stars took the day off. Shock of all shocks her new album blackout hit the internet and it's meoteric rise up the charts seems to have stalled out at number 76 according to amazon. I can't figure out why, that Gimmie song is so catchy. Yo, it's Britney bitch, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie...please shoot me.<

Britney's got excuses.

You gotta love Britney she's got and excuse for everything (except hit and run). She's blaming the fact that she lost custody of her children on her cell phone. She says that she didn't give her contact information for random drug testing because she gets bad cell phone reception in her home...yeah, and I suppose the dog ate her homework too.

Rose McGowan will ruin your life.

In what may go down in history as one of the most obivious cases of nepotism ever, director Robert Rodriguez has cast his fiancee Rose McGowan for the lead role in his remake of "Barbarella". Universal studios has backed out of the deal as result and the general feeling among insiders is that they do not believe that Rose can carry the role. Rodriguez is said to be looking around trying to find other investors for the film.

This is what you get when you dump your wife for Rose McGowan. Ironic isn't it?

Britney Spears is driving into things again.

Britney ran over the foot of a TMZ.com cameraman while leaving an L.A. medical faciltity today. The cameraman was not injured which is good because in true Britney style when she realized what she did she promptly gasped shock and peeled out there!

Ok, L.A.P.D. you guys watch tv just like the rest of us. It's not like you know what's going on here people. Now get out your note pads and take this down....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP HER!!!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Jennifer Lopez is a Loser

J-Lo's new album "Brave" is bravely going down faster than the Hindenburg. It didn't even make the top ten on Billboard and has only sold a laughable 53,000 copies. I think Kanye West could do a little better than that. Man, check out the Billboard list if you get a chance. She ass kicked by pretty much everybody.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!...I don't like her.

Ricky Martin Gets Star on Walk of Fame

Do you remember a time when you actually need talent and star power to get one of these? If they're giving them out to washed up has-been's like Ricky Martin they'll give them to anybody. I'll be expecting mine by next week.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Nick Hogan is Screwed

The cops released a report on the Nick Hogan crash today that was a little skimpy on the details. The drug test results have still not come back yet in his accident which left John Graziano with permanent brain damage. Personally, I don't think Nick was on anything I think he's an idiot with a driving record that should have made someone stop him before it came to this.

(Image from http://www.sescoops.com/galleries)

Orlando Bloom is Kind of a Jerk

Good old Orland "I'm not on anything" Bloom, first he crashed into a parked car breaking a girls neck, then he tries walk away from the scene of the accident (leaving behind said girl with broken neck)but now Mark Invanko didn't even get so much as an "I'm sorry" out of him for hitting his car. Of course if he won't stick around for a friend with a broken neck, he probably doesn't give a crap about your car.

The Spice Girls / Victoria's Secret Factor

The new Spice Girls Greatest Hits album will not be sold in record stores. They've made a deal to have the album available only online and at Victoria's Secret stores. I guess it kind of makes sense, if you're in the business of selling lingerie who better to have as your spokeswomen than a bunch of whores?

The Dalai Lama Knows How to Travel in Style!

You're favorite spiritual guru the Dalai Lama (who?) is in New York City and man does this guy know how to travel. No Motel 6 for him only the best will do. So he's chillin out at the Carlyle Hotel. Easily one of the most expensive hotels in New York. Their cheapest room is like $700 bucks a night. Jesus Christ! I'm guessing being the Dalai Lama does not require a vow of poverty!

Lindsey Lohan is Broke

OK, this one shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Let's do some basic math. 1 million dollar hotel bill + $137,000 in rehab bills + Lord knows how much in attorney fees = SCREWED!!! Very good, you get an A+ Lindsey!

Britney gets booked

Britney turned herself into the LAPD today to get booked for her hit and run. She was only there for an hour and was polite and very courteous which only gives more weight to my personal theory that there's more than one person living in that head. (and between you and me, she's a lot more interesting when she's doing something crazy)

Michael Jackson is a trustworthy dude

Jacko's in trouble again...yes, I'm stunned too. Apparently Mad Mike likes to take stuff and not pay for it. A judge today ordered him to cough up the $175,000 he owes his attorneys that he never got around to paying them. Jack's always got more up his sleeve cause he's also being sued by the Prince of Bahrain (where the is that anyway?). The Prince gave Jackson 7 million dollars up front, paid for all of his living expenses and built him a recording studio. In exchange Jackson was supposed to record two albums and create a broadway style show for the Prince. Jackson promptly took the money and fled the country. Nice one Mike. Don't let this guy borrow your car keys.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

It's all about you Britney, it's all about you.

1Looks like everyone else in L.A. had the day off because almost everything today was pretty much centered around Britney. Let's see if I can sum this whole thing up as briefly as possible.

Ok, first she calls for an "emergency" court hearing to request more time with the kids (never mind that the original court orders have only been in effect for a week but hey, this is Britney so she had MORE than enough time to prove she's a fit mother, but I digress) that was yesterday. Then, she goes hanging out in Marina Del Ray until 2a.m. in the morning last night (court hearing is for 8:30a.m. this morning)....ok so she sleeps a little later then she should have so she's only 5 hours late. Not bad, this is an improvement for her maybe she has changed! I don't need to tell you that K-Fed was against the children spending more time with her (can't figure out why). Now I thought it was a little strange that she had been seen recently with her estranged mother and now I know why. She wants the court appointed monitor to be her mother Lynne. Don't think that one's gonna fly. In the end the judge ruled that she can have one overnight supervised visit with the kiddies per week and I think even that much is a horrible idea. Why don't you just throw them into a giant blender and end their misery now. There's not enough money in the world that would make me want to grow up in a crazy household with that friggin lunatic as a mother!1

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Brown is down!...no wait...he's up again.

Bobby Brown had a heart attack scare today and was hospitalized briefly to make sure that he's ok. Must have happened when he found out Whitney is making a comeback. Unfortunately, he pulled through.

Save the Hoff!!!

David Hasselhoff was hospitalized for what is being called a "relapse". Doctors and medical experts like myself call this condition ALCOHOL POISIONING. Get that boy another hamburger, I get the feeling the kids might be going back to stay with mom. Seriously, is there anyone in Hollywood who isn't hooked on something!?!

Denis Richards is crazy.

Man this crazy bitch just won't leave Charlie Sheen alone. First she said that she wanted his sperm so she could have another kid and now she talks to Cindy Adams and tells her that she did't really want the sperm, she just wanted to make fiancee jealous. This chick is just plain sick man. Just look at those eyes, you can friggin TELL she's psycho!

Kick his ass Bonaduce!

Johnny Fairplay is suing Danny Bonaduce for his flight face first onto a stage floor. Although I'm not so sure that suing Bonaduce is a very smart idea. Johnny, seriously. Stop pissing this guy off. I guess he still has a few more teeth that he wouldn't mind loosing. Hope he's got a good HMO.

Friday, September 28, 2007

P. Diddy has Tourette's Syndrome

P.Diddy went to NYC's Gold Bar last night and when the lady behind the counter asked how many people were in his party he replies "you fucking bitch". That's all the proof I need to make my medical diagnosis.

Get well Farrah

Farrah Fawcett's cancer has returned and now she's in Germany seeking alternative treatments. Doctors have a bloody pill for everything and a cure for nothing. Fucking pharmaceutical companies. The Control Room is pulling for you Farah. Get well soon.

Have I got a scent for you!

Both Brittney and Paris released the new posters for their perfumes today. For some women Channel #5 is classy, but if you feel like smelling trashy then these fragrances may be more your style. Essence of slut.

Oprah!!!........I hate you.

Oprah $260 million per year / Trump $32 million per year...what's wrong with this picture?

Get well soon...

As you may have heard, David Beckham rushed back to England yesterday to be with his father who suffered a heart attack. It seems that the two have been on the outs for a few years now. For some reason and heaven knows I can't figure it out, dad doesn't like Victoria. Can't figure out why. Well for what it's worth, good luck dad and get well soon. Your son needs you.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Raise your hand if you're getting sick of this

Every friggin day it starts buzzing around the internet. It's the question that no one can let go of...is Jennifer Lopez pregnant. Monday: pregnant, Tuesday: not pregnant, Wednesday: pregnant. Want to guess what she is today? That's right she's NOT FUCKING PREGNANT!!!

I can't stand this bitch and one look at her fugly husband and I have to ask, who would want to see an offspring from this union? It would be like giving birth to an ugly version of Quasimodo. God, I think I'm going to loose my lunch.

Please make them stop...

The bright boys over at NBC apparently have been inspired by the success of the Transformers movie to bring back Knight Rider as a television series. They're going to start off with a two hour made for TV movie and if it does well produce the series for next year. I think that it's a pretty safe bet that every car manufacturer on the planet is going to try to get in on this shit.

There's no way this is worth $47,100

Some idiot paid $47,100 smackers to get his kid a bit part in a Will Ferrell film. It was done at an acution to raise money for cancer. Good cause, suck ass prize.

Are they still going on about this???

Shilpa Shetty (the Indian actress who kissed Richard Gere and freaked out India 5 months ago) was stopped by airport security in Mumbai India and held for several hours for questioning before being allowed to proceed on to her destination. Apparently there was still an arrest warrant out for her for violation India's anti-obsenity laws. Wow, can these dudes hold a grudge or what? I'm scratching this one of my vacation list.

You can stop looking smug now...

The party is officially over for Kanye West. After smacking down 50 Cent in album sales Reba McEntire just took the #1 spot on Billboard with her new album Reba Duets. Lets digest that one for a second. You got your ass handed to you by Reba McEntire. Hang your head in shame Kanye, hang your head.

Canned what???

Paris Hilton is barred from Oktoberfest this year. Apparently she showed up last year dressed in a Bavarian outfit to promote canned wine. I don't know about you but nothing says classy to me like canned wine. Is this crap made by the people who brought you wine in a box? Those homeless dudes are getting sophisticated!

Angelina is also holier than thou

Angelina Jolie is also attending the Clinton Global Initiative conference. Is it just me or she increasingly beginning to look like she's morphing into some kind of undead zombie...hmmm...would explain all of those fresh brains, oh I meant babies. She's all about the kids people!

Uma's scootin' around

She's scooting around Manhattan riding one of those ridiculious looking scooters you see 5 year olds using. It's nice that she's staying fit but for God's sake could somebody feed that poor woman a cookie or something!?! She keeps this up and soon we'll be able to see through her! We'd better hold a benefit concert or something.

Yes another DUI!!!

This time it's Vivica A. Fox. Is there anyone left in Hollywood who has NOT been pulled over for DUI???...anyone?...hello...

(tumbleweed rolls by as crickets chirp)

She's blonde again

I don't give a damn what the hell color she changes her hair to, Sarah Jessica Parker is still one of the most repulsive women I have ever seen!

Kayne on the move!

Kayne West attended the US Weekly party with his fiancee. She's smokin! Kayne is obiviously basking in the glow on his total smack down of 50 Cent and is now just adding insult to injury. Why don't you just pour some lemon juice on his open wounds and have done with it already?

...oh by the way

Pauly Shore is gay....not surprising.

Pauly Shore found someone who could tolerate him for more than 5 minutes....truly shocking.

Holier than Thou

Brad "I'm better than you" Pitt was at the Clinton Global Initiative conference yesterday and apparently wants to build 150 eco-friendly affordable homes in New Orleans. Just somebody please explain to me what the fuck an eco-friendly home is supposed to be. This going green thing is starting to make me go green, because I'm sick of it!

...and I'm still waiting for him and Angelina to adopt and American crack baby. They need homes too man, have a heart.

N-Sync'in baby!

Gay-C (not going to comment, too easy) of N-Sync got dropped by his record label. So I guess now he's got some time to oh I don't know, maybe GET SOME TALENT!

...although I do give him better odds than Brittney.

I'm stunned...

Jackass (star?) Steve-O was on the Howard Stern show and made the startling revelation that at a party once Lindsey Lohan stole his cocaine.

...no cops were listening were they?

Break some wind baby!

As we all know Tom Cruise is in Germany filming his latest film about nazi renegades. He got permission to film at the location where Count Von Stauffenburg and his collaborators were shot and asked for a moment of silence...when somebody farted. Do I even need to tell you that Tom got pissed, I think not.

When you got legal trouble like Michael Vick sometime you just need to chill

As if this idiot was not in enough trouble already, now he's tested positive for marijuana. Smooth move MIKE! What's next? How about hitting a bus load of nuns while whacked out on smack! Just when you think these guys can't get any dumber they make me proud and go that extra mile.

Want to freak out a celebrity?

How's this for nuts, Roy Scheider was approached by an obsessed fan who wanted for him to sign a photo that he took with him back in 1980. Where there is part of me that can understand that, what would bug me out is the guy telling me that he knows where I live and knows that I was planning on selling my house.

Take my advice Roy, go home, triple padlock the front door and make sure you got a shotgun in one hand and bottle of whiskey in the other. YOU'RE NOT SAFE!!!!!

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