Friday, December 28, 2007

Jessica Simpson is a blockbuster movie actress.

When I heard this one I couldn't even believe that it was true. Simpson's latest movie, Blonde Ambition was going to go straight to DVD when some genius decided to put it in a few theaters for the weekend. It grossed...wait for it...$1,332.00. Yes, you heard that one but I'll repeat it in case your brain couldn't process the information. That's one thousand three hundred and thirty two dollars. That has to be some kind of record. I wonder how her next movie will do, keep your fingers crossed! I know she can do it!
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Another DUI...wow.

Rebecca De Moray (remember her?) was formally charged with two counts of DUI stemming from her October 30 arrest. She blew a .09 on the breathalyzer, ouch just .01 over the limit. I'm beginning to form the opinion that Hollywood is turning driving under the influence into some kind of new extreme sport. In any case, I'm seriously considering changing this blog to covering celebrity DUI's exclusively. I should have enough material to keep going indefinitely.
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Thursday, December 27, 2007

This is not Paris Hilton's day.

Barron Hilton the 80 year old patriarch of the Hilton family has announced that when he dies he's leaving 97% of his fortune to charity. Apparently this still leaves 130 million for the rest of the family to share but considering the way they go through cash that can't possibly last for very long and they have to pay taxes on it. I can't imagine that Paris is too happy about this but I'm not too worried, Paris always finds a way to bounce back.


...and Barron considers her an embarrassment to the family which probably didn't help when he was making his decisions.
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Security firm or mercenary outfit you decide.

1Britney's got a new bodyguard and you won't believe who it is. None other that Aaron Cohen, the same guy from IMS Security that K-Fed used to hand out tons of sopena's a little while back. Gotta pay your bills might as well work for the highest bidder. I wonder what this guy charges? He used to be with the Moussad, Israel's billy baddass spy service. Which makes him trained in the art of ripping your arms off and beating you senseless with them.
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Thursday, December 13, 2007

Ike Turner has passed away.

Ike died in his home in California yesterday. I'm actually shocked since I had no idea that the dude was 76 years old. Ike Turner was a man who's image will forever be overshadowed by his reputation as a drug user and wife beater. While he never denied that he had used drugs he always denied that he had ever harmed his former wife Tina Turner. Whatever the truth may be I don't know I wasn't there. However, it must be said that Ike Turner was one of the pioneering founders of Rock and Roll and his contributions to that have been overlooked for many years. Whatever he did or did not do does not effect that.


Rest in Peace.
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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Update: Now it's an anxiety attack.

Britney Spears' friend Sam Lufti tells PEOPLE in an e-mail: "She's sick, both physically and high anxiety. Millions of press outside. It's too much."


Anxiety?!? Are you friggin kidding me??? We're talking about a woman who runs over people, blasts through stop signs and red lights and drives the wrong way on the street without a problem. Britney knows no fear! Anxiety over some questions being asked? Don't give me that crap!
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Britney didn't show for court...I know I'm shocked too.

1Britney didn't show up for her deposition at court today due to a "medical problem" (probably the caffeine and sugar again. I think this is the fifth time she blew it off. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that K-Fed's lawyer Mark David Kaplan is throwing a fit. The thing I don't get is how she gets away with defying a judge. Isn't that like, against the law or something? Maybe I just don't get it.
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Monday, December 10, 2007

Britney's stealing crap now.

Ok, not the biggest crime in the world as far as Britney's concerned but TMZ is reporting that Brit stole a $1.39 cigarette lighter from a gas station and a photog ended up paying for it. This chick makes $700,000 dollars a month for doing absolutely nothing. Am I alone in not getting it?
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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Britney is totally a better parent than K-Fed

1An inside source tells OK Magazine that Britney believes that she is the better parent. She's also sick of court, lawyers, court appointed, monitors and parenting coaches and wants things to be like they used to be so she when no one interfered with her and how she raises her kids and everyone had to do what she said. Please note the phrase "raises her kids" because the last time I checked she didn't. Joan Crawford was a more nurturing mother. But hey, she's Britney, she's famous. I'm sure the court will see things her way.1
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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Get the hell out of California!

The wildfires in California have taken on a life of their own and are still raging out of control. 400 square miles and 1200 homes have been engulfed in flames. More than 300,000 people have been ordered to leave their homes including many for your favorite celebrities. I don't need to tell you they've got a state of emergency out there. You know you've got problems when it gets so bad that the evacuation centers need to be evacuated. The government is telling people to stay off the roads and to not use their cell phones as to not impede emergency workers. Time to get the fuck out of Dodge.


*Update: The number of evacuees is in excess of 500,000.

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Nick Hogan is a self absorbed douche.

Nick Hogan updated his myspace blog two months after his car accident that left his friend with irreversable brain damage. I'll let Nick speak for himself.

I quote:


"omggggg its been forever since i blogged...hell i dont even know what blog means but i guess its where you write stuff for people to read


anyways my last one was before i even drove for mopar, if you check my pics youll see that i did end up driving for them for my amateur season and most of my pro rookie season. i recently left the mopar team tho...things didnt work out to well but!....i picked up a new title sponsor...POLAROID! and started my own team with twin 350z's pretty cool i know


anyways id like everyone to wish my luck for my 08 season and keep john graziano in your prayers"


End quote. I'm speechless.
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Monday, October 22, 2007

Roseanne rags out Britney

Roseanne totally went off on Britney and her mom on her blog. Pretty much the gist of it boils down to Brit's an unfit mother, get your act together, Britney's mom is 100% responsible for all of this and if Britney's mom didn't pimp her out like Jon Benet Ramsey this would never have happened in the first place. You know, the usual stuff. You know you've got some problems when you get parenting advice from Roseanne.
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Dumbledore is totally gay.

Author J.K. Rowling revealed Friday that the Dumbledore character is gay. So let me make sure I got this straight (get it?). Not even bearing in mind the fact that I can't stand it when someone famous decides to take on politics and not bearing in mind the fact that she probably didn't want to reveal it sooner because she didn't want to hurt book sales. You have a book directed towards children about a kid going to a magical school that is run by a gay dude...brilliant. The Potter creep out factor just went through the friggin roof people.
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Friday, October 19, 2007

Cameron Douglas totally digs coke.

Michael Douglas' 28 year old son Cameron (he's the one on the right that's not taking Viagra) got picked up with a friend for misdemeanor possession of cocaine and a hypodermic needle. This happened back in July but it's making news now because he's going to be put on trial and they're arraigning him on November 16. They're also slapping on an additional charge of being under the influence of a controlled substance at the time based on the Sheriff's testimony. He's a third generation celebrity so I'm pretty sure he'll be fine. His friend however had better start sweating right about...now.
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The cops raid Britney's house, oh wait it's David Copperfield.

The cops raided a warehouse owned by David Copperfield and made off with his computer hard drive, digital camera and 2 million dollars in cash (would have thought a dude like David Copperfield would have been able to hide that stuff better) anyway, a woman from Seattle is saying that he raped her in the Bahamas in July...but didn't report it until now...because she wanted to wait until she got back to the United States...so no rape kit was ever done...meaning no evidence (unless he took some pictures on that camera but who would be that stupid?)...meaning near impossible to prove. Is it me or does this not sound kosher to you either?


(Image from http://www.hecklerspray.com/)
*Update: The F.B.I. says that the stories of the 2 million taken are false.
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Forget it, today is just about Britney.

I think I'm starting to OD on Britney cause it's beginning to look like almost all the other stars took the day off. Shock of all shocks her new album blackout hit the internet and it's meoteric rise up the charts seems to have stalled out at number 76 according to amazon. I can't figure out why, that Gimmie song is so catchy. Yo, it's Britney bitch, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie...please shoot me.<
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Britney's got excuses.

You gotta love Britney she's got and excuse for everything (except hit and run). She's blaming the fact that she lost custody of her children on her cell phone. She says that she didn't give her contact information for random drug testing because she gets bad cell phone reception in her home...yeah, and I suppose the dog ate her homework too.
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Rose McGowan will ruin your life.

In what may go down in history as one of the most obivious cases of nepotism ever, director Robert Rodriguez has cast his fiancee Rose McGowan for the lead role in his remake of "Barbarella". Universal studios has backed out of the deal as result and the general feeling among insiders is that they do not believe that Rose can carry the role. Rodriguez is said to be looking around trying to find other investors for the film.


This is what you get when you dump your wife for Rose McGowan. Ironic isn't it?
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Britney Spears is driving into things again.

Britney ran over the foot of a TMZ.com cameraman while leaving an L.A. medical faciltity today. The cameraman was not injured which is good because in true Britney style when she realized what she did she promptly gasped shock and peeled out there!


Ok, L.A.P.D. you guys watch tv just like the rest of us. It's not like you know what's going on here people. Now get out your note pads and take this down....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP HER!!!
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Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Jennifer Lopez is a Loser

J-Lo's new album "Brave" is bravely going down faster than the Hindenburg. It didn't even make the top ten on Billboard and has only sold a laughable 53,000 copies. I think Kanye West could do a little better than that. Man, check out the Billboard list if you get a chance. She ass kicked by pretty much everybody.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!...I don't like her.
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