Jon Gosselin got MAJOR F*CKED UP THE ASS!!!!

I think everybody split for the weekend cause this is all I've got, but it's not too bad. Jon and Kate are now divorced and man didn Jon get hurt in the final settlement rammed up the ass Schillinger style!  TMZ reports:

We've learned under the arbitrator's award, Jon must make huge child support payments -- we're told 5 figures a month. And here's the problem. TLC has now shut down Jon's ability to take outside jobs. The irony -- he did himself in. (No sh*t)


We've also learned Jon was charged every penny of the $235,000 (ouch!) that he withdrew from their joint account. That amount was deducted from his piece of the settlement (ouch, ouch!).

As for Jon's claim that Kate should be docked for money she withdrew ... we've learned Jon struck out. The arbitrator determined every penny she withdrew was for the benefit of the kids (8 kids Jon good luck proving she didn't...oh wait, you couldn't!).

Jesus man, you're so OWNED now!  Dude, save what's left of your self respect and go into the back alley of the courthouse and blow away what's LEFT of your brains.

TLC made Kate Gosselin's kids cry.

Barbara Walters interviewed Kate Gosselin and it was very heartwarming. Kate says that the children have been crying since the cameras and crews left after the loss of the show. I suppose I can understand that they have been around forever. Maybe I'm a bit cynical but I think what she meant to say was that she and John have been crying now that the cash fountain has come to an end. Nice job with the self destruct job guys. I'm sure they'll be ok though. They may be divorced but they'll find another way exploit their kids. I have faith.

James Van Der Beek is filing for divorce.

James Van Der Beek and his wife Heather have filed for divorce after almost six years of marriage which I believe is practically a record breaker for celebrities.  Eonline reports:


Van Der Beek, 32, cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for the split, according to the petition filed Nov. 13 in Los Angeles Superior Court.

The once very cute couple tied the knot in July 2003. They did not have children together.

After stringing together a series of TV appearances, including guest spots on Criminal Minds, How I Met Your Mother and Medium (he plays a great creep), Van Der Beek recently landed a role on ABC's freshman drama The Forgotten.

At least they didn't have any children.  That always gets nasty in a divorce, least this way they can both walk away from it. 

Matt Damon need to grow a pair.

I can see where this day is going. Damon and his wife Luciana Barroso have announced the birth of their daughter Gia Zavala (good one Matt I can see your wife is calling the shots). This brings him up to three daughters. Isabella is 2 and Alexia is 10. Alexia of course not being the fruit of his loins she is Luciana's daughter through a previous marriage. Hang on a sec, Luciana's only 32 and has had a previous marriage. This chick is increasingly sounding like someone Matt shouldn't have married.

Matt will be taking time off from making movies. When asked he told OK! Magazine:

"[Luciana asked me] to take a break from work," Matt has said. "She saw a pile of scripts, and when I told her they were the movies I was supposed to shoot in the fall, she asked me if I still wanted to be her husband."

I don't know Matt maybe what you should have said was "DO YOU ENJOY THE LIFESTYLE I PROVIDE YOU??? YES? THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

In case you're thinking I'm being a little harsh this bitch was a bartender when he met her and most likely a slut. I'd say she prefers limos and mansions wouldn't you? The messed up part is either way she's set for life now. Divorces are so lucrative.

Peter Cook still wants to be friends...WTF???

Peter Cook still wants to be friends with Christie Brinkley. I'm sure she'll be down with that. Access Hollywood reports:

Christie Brinkley gets a settlement in her divorce.

Things finally went well for Christie, for the most part at court today. She did get sole custody of her 2 children as well as sole authority on how they are raised. She also gets to keep all 18 properties that were being disputed. However, and here's the kicker, for some reason I have yet to understand she has to pay this douche Cook 2.1 million. I imaging it's for agreeing to the settlement but man it's pretty messed up that she has to give this cheating pervert sicko anything at all. I guess he has to recoup all of the money he blew on porn, hush money and gifts for underage whores. I didn't know you could expense that, I need to talk to my accountant.

An open letter to Charlie Sheen.

Dear Mr. Sheen,

I warned you, I bloody warned you that if you didn't put a stop to the psychotic super bitch ex wife of your she's just going to keep doing more and more fucked up shit and the kids are going to be the ones who suffer. So when I turn on the TV and I see Denise Richards being interviewed acting all holier-than-thou while say that the kids are in THERAPY and she glad that they have someone to listen to their problems (mothers don't do that anymore by the way) I have to fight the uncontrollable urge to kick in my set because since when to 2 AND 4 YEAR OLD CHILDREN NEED A FUCKING THERAPIST!?!?!?!...oh wait I just remembered who the woman in the middle of the picture is.

Any way, get a better lawyer and stop this bitch now before your kids turn into Charles Manson worshippers. We're all behind you.

Bill Murray beats his wife.

Bill Murray's wife Jennifer of 11 years has filed for divorce. She's seeking the standard huge wad of cash and elimination of their prenuptual agreement on the grounds that Bill was a little slap happy. Associated press reports:

You've GOT to be friggin kidding me.

At the risk of going on a rant I'd just like to state again that men have no rights when it comes to family court. This is proven to me time and time again. Well the same laws that give a psychopath like Britney a million last chances to get visitation has done it again. Denise Richards got what she wanted. Despite the fact that in her divorce agreement with Charlie Sheen it specifically states that both parents must jointly agree on decisions regarding the children, the judge told Richards that she can go ahead with the reality program despite Sheens protests that it was exploiting the children. In my opinion this renders the whole divorce settlement null and void since it can be altered without Sheens approval to serve his ex-wife at any time she wishes it.

Great job Denise Richards for being a fantastic mother and whoring out your kids so you can make a buck, after all it's not like you can actually get a job yourself and thank you to America's family courts for being a bunch of one sided fucks. Thank you for making certain that I have no belief that any man will ever get justice in the event of divorce. Thank you.