Jim Carrey is a grandpa!

At 12:28am last night Jim Carrey's daughter gave birth to a son. Finally some GOOD news! Best of luck!

Tiger Woods looses Gatorade deal.

I know, its breaking your heart too. Gatorade dropped his worthless ass. Apparently whoring isn't good for Gatoraides wholesome image. Go figure!

Brad Pitt is a GIMRAD!

I just felt like saying that.

Sean Penn is a fu*cking hero???

Sean Penn is in Haiti right now helping with the relief effort and the dude drove out into the friggin middle of nowhere to help an injured woman and her child who had a head injury. He pulled them out of the rubble and drove them back to get medical attention and waited until they were taken care of. Then he took them back to where he was staying. I'm stunned. Who knew Sean Penn had such a heart. Didn't this guy used to beat up papparazzi? I won't look at him the same way again.

Andrew Keonig found dead

After a long search Andrew Keonig was found deas tonight in Vancouver. His father admits that it looks like he killed himself. God rest your soul Andrew.

Levi Johnston gets bitch slapped (by the court).

Well I've got to give the little weasel credit for trying but this round has gone to Bristol Palin. As you know she was suing him for child support and he was claiming that he didn't have any money (yeah, even I wasn't buying that one) well the documents that her lawyers got that said that was a lie must have done the trick because the judge has ruled that not only does he have to pay, he has to pay retroactive since the baby's birth. So now Levi has to cough up $18,000 dollars. See what happens when you don't keep it in your pants man? Condoms Levi, condoms. I can't stress this enough man. Oh and remember buddy, the more you earn the more she can petition the court for! Enjoy the next decades of you life HA! HA! HA! STUPID!!!

God, it's good to be rich! Ask Charlie Sheen's wife!

I don't believe this one.  After Brooke Meuller learned that Charlie is back in rehab she left hers!  She went back home and brought an army of rehab workers with her and I'm talking everybody.  You can do crack rehab at home?  Somehow I just can't see this one working out very well.  Charlie's father Martin Sheen is also at the house and frankly has this guy got his work cut out for him!  Wouldn't want to be you right now Martin, no way man.

Kirsten Dunst is Turning Japanese!

Here's Kirsten Dunst doing her verion of The Vapor's 80's hit Turning Japanese.   It's pretty awesome.  So stop playing pachinko and watch this bad boy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_OHxBPHe6Y

You're going to have to sign in to youtube for this one because they don't want under 18 year olds to be exposed to anime nudity.  Thank God because I wouldn't want a child exposed to cartoon breasts when there're already being exposed TO EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD!!!

Nadya Suleman gets her groove on!

I suppose this shouldn't shock me but hell, it does.  Nadya "Octomom" Suleman was out in NYC partying in the meat packing district (trust me I've been there, DO NOT GO ALONE!) until after 2am.  Damn Nadya, who was watching the 14 kids???  Please remember kids this is the same woman who told The View yesterday that she wouldn't rule out the possibility of a 15th kid.  Holy crap.

John Mayer does something awesome!

John Mayer was playing a concert in Philadelphia Sunday night when he spotted a young 11 year old kid holding up a sign that said "Can I play 'Belief' with you?"  John took him up on stage and made his dream come true in front of 25,000 fans.  Wow.  After John gave him an autographed guitar that said "To Austin, you rock. Keep playing.  See you at the show." 

That was pretty awsome.  Austin is going to remember that moment for the rest of his life.  I know that John's been under fire for saying some off key things lately but that was probably the most awesome thing he could have done for a kid.  Good for you John!  There's not a lot of musicians who would have stopped their show and done that for a fan.

Ok so Simon Cowell is a prima donna too.

American Idol is less of a happy place than I thought because Simon Cowell has his own bitch ass two-story trailer while everybody else has a one room piece of sh*t stuido dressing room.  They told eonline.com:


The exiting judge has decided to live out his last A.I. season in luxury, and that's making everyone, especially Ryan, pretty jealous.

"Have you seen that two-story thing that's parked outside?" Ryan asked before everyone launched into tragic tales of their studio-issued dressing rooms.

Ryan, if they're letting him do that there's probably not a whole lot you can do about it.  Why not show him up get at three level!  Start a trailer war!!!  Trailers reaching into the sky mutha-f*ckas!!!!

...just do it.

Seth Green gets engaged!

Holy crap Seth Green engaged???  I didn't think that would ever happen.  Seth got engaged on New Year's Eve with his girlfriend Clare Grant.  The two are planning on tying the knot in May and all I have to say aside from good luck is THIS BETTER NOT INTERFERE WITH ROBOT CHICKEN MAN!!!

Larry King is still a douchebag.

Well we found out why the Koenig's bailed out on Larry King.  Looks like the interview that they had been scheduled to do last night kept getting pushed back because Larry wanted to cover the story of the orca trainer that was killed in SeaWorld.  Walter Koenig felt that Larry was being disrespectful to them.  Frankly I don't blame them.  After almost half a bloody hour I would have walked too.  Why do you bother making appointment Larry?  How easily distracted are you?  That couldn't have waited ten minutes you friggin douche?

Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres don't like each other...shocker.

Here's one that's not to suprise you.  Simon and Ellen aren't getting along very well.  Wow, never saw that one coming.  She thinks he's mean to contestants (what the hell do you think is getting the damn ratings stupid!?! Your witty repartee???) and he seems to like criticizing her.  I have no doubt what so ever that this will effectively double American Idol's rating once these two start going after each other like a couple of rabid dogs.  Perhaps hiring Ellen was a good choice after all.  I'm sure the advertisers will love it!

Elin Woods is going home to Tiger,...wait WTF???

In a move that I can't even believe could possibly be true radaronline.com is reporting that Elin Woods is going home to Orlando to Tiger with the kids.  You've GOT to be kidding me!!!  I know a lot of people out there are saying "but Tiger has hundreds of millions of dollars, she probably likes money" and I don't dispute the money factor but when you consider this dudes relations with many, several, THOUSANDS of whores she'd easily take the whole enchilada in a divorce so I don't get it!  Radar reports:

“Tiger is trying to put his marriage back together, trying to prove to Elin that he’s changed,” the source said. “She hasn’t committed to staying in the marriage but the fact that she has been participating in his therapy and went away with him is a big step toward the two of them staying married.”


Changed???  Good God Elin!  When even the whore parade are all saying that once a cheater always a cheater maybe you should flush out the head gear and wake the f*ck up woman!!!

Jesus man.

I hope this isn't bad news.

Walter Keonig and his wife were scheduled to be on the Larry King show last night to talk about the search for their son when the very abruptly left the studio with no explanation.   According to TMZ not even Larry himself knows the reason for the sudden departure.  I hope it's not the worst.  I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Andrew Keonig still missing.

Man, this is not turning into a good day for celibrity news!  Andrew Koenig from "Growing Pains" is still missing and has been since February 14th in Vancouver.  His father Walter Koenig of "Star Trek" fame, his mother and sister were on TV today to ask that anyone who might have seen him to please call the authorities. 

Wow, and I like that dude too.  On the hopeful side police have recieved a lot of possible leads and still believe that Andrew is still alive.  I hope so. 

Andrew!  Call home!  People are worried about you man!

Speaking of Nancy Kerrigan her brother Mark just made bail.

Mark who's been locked up since he attacked his father which the coroner has determined caused him to have a cardiac dysrhythmia ultimately resulting in his death has made the ten thousand dollar bail that he needed to get out.  He will be staying at his mother's house wearing an ankle monitoring bracelet and getting tested for drugs and alcohol.  Very tragic case and a baffling one.  On the one hand the coroner says that Mark is responsible for Daniel's death.  On the other hand his family is sticking by him and saying that he's not.  Who knows what went on in that house that night.

An open letter to Olympic judges who gave Rachael Platt a 64 and dropped her to 5th place in skating last night.

Are you people f*cking blind???  My God people!  How much bribe money are they giving you people!?!  Man I haven't trusted Olympic judging since you a**holes gave Oksana Baiul  the gold medal that CLEARLY should have went to Nancy Kerrigan!  God you people make me SICK!  Choke on your damn blood money you bunch of f*cks!!!

Thank you.

Charlie Sheen has some damn good lawyers!

Lawyers.  Everybody hates them until you need one and if you happen to be a celebrity chances are you need one...a lot.

Charlie has checked into rehab because his reps say that he's been "slipping" with his drug and alcohol problem.  This could have been a big problem for Charlie as it is a violation of his parole.  However his lawyers seem very confident that this will not pose a problem because people can say what they want about Charlie drinking, you have to prove it in a court of law and Charlie's lawyers are paid very well to make sure that does not happen.

As for his show "Two and a Half Men"  if Charlie can be back on the set in two weeks they can finish making the last six episodes of the season.  Maybe it's just me but rehabbing Charlie Sheen in TWO WEEKS sounds like a pretty tall order to me, maybe two years...maybe.

Lorenzo Lamas is a friggin idiot.

Lorenzo Lamas has decided that if at first you don't succeed try, try again.   So he's getting married for the fifth time to a girl he's known for a WHOLE FRIGGIN THREE MONTHS!!!  God man are you stupid?  Ever consider that maybe, just maybe marriage isn't for you?  The lucky bride to be is a 23 year old model named Shawna Craig.  Ironically, this makes her one year younger than his daughter.  Nice.

Tiger's mom still loves him! (how much is she getting for this?)

Tiger's mom Kultida still loves her son.  I'm not shocked of course.  How many times have you seen some kid get hauled of for murdering somebody in a botched robbery only to hear their mothers sob in front of the camera "he's a good boy!".  Ok, not quite the same thing but the principal is the same.  Here's what she had to say:

"He didn't kill anybody. He didn't do anything illegal ... People don't understand that Tiger has a very good heart and soul."

and loving Kultida, you forgot LOVING!


"If anyone tells me to condemn him, I say look at yourself first."

Sorry Kultida,  I haven't cheated on my wife and kids by sleeping with EVERY F*CKING WHORE IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES!!!

Tiger Woods won't shut the hell up!

Because let's face it, there's no way to get away from this guy today Tiger gave us a really boring (but well scripted) news conference.  I'll spare you the tedium posting a transcript of it verbatum and just give you the highlights...

I'm sorry (again)

It's my fault (no sh*t)

I'm in treatment (give me a break, there's no such thing as rehab for banging whores because you know you can!  Contrary to what Hollywood would have you believe, some things are not due to "oh, I have an addiction, I need rehab" it's due to your OWN DARN LACK OF SELF CONTROL!!!

Elin never hit me (bullsh*t)

I'm the one to blame (once again, no sh*t)

I hurt all the kids around the world who admired me (you're a golfer....period.)

(and of course most shockingly) I've had affairs, I have cheated.   (.....holy....sh*t.)

Blah, blah, blah, you get the idea.  Of couse one does have to ask...why the hell is he apologizing to us for?  Go apologize to your wife man!  She's the one you probably gave God knows what to!.....and you sounded like some kind of robot.  Try memorizing the speech so they don't have to read it into your earpiece.

J.K. Rowling gets sued for plagiarism....AGAIN!!!

Ok, this is getting ridiculous.  I can't even count how many times this has happened.  On the other hand she's sued plenty herself for the same thing.  Personally I never bought her story on how she came up with the idea.  eonline.com reports:

J.K Rowling has been tacked on as a defendant in a lawsuit filed against her U.K. publisher in 2004, which claims that the bestselling author plagiarized part of the fourth book in her über-successful Harry Potter series.


The suit alleges that, in writing Goblet of Fire, Rowling ripped off the 1987 children's book The Adventures of Willy the Wizard: No. 1 Livid Land by Adrian Jacobs, who died in 1997.

To which the embattled author says, "Hogwarts," er, "hogwash."

"I am saddened that yet another claim has been made that I have taken material from another source to write Harry," Rowling said in a statement released by her rep to Bloomberg Business Week.

"The fact is I had never heard of the author or the book before the first accusation by those connected to the author's estate in 2004; I have certainly never read the book."

I'm not buying it Rowling.  I bet you have a complete collection.  How about "The Legend of RAH and the Muggles" by Nancy Stouffer?  Ever read "The Worst Witch" by Jill Murphy?  Just saying I've seen a few similiarities myself. 

Bristol Palin wants da money!

If there's one thing in life I truly enjoy it's watching ex-lovers go after each other like a pair of wolverines on angel dust.  Of couse throw in a kid and it always gets a hell of a lot more entertaining.  Bristol Palin's lawyers are going after Levi Johnston for child support to the tune of  $1,688.42.  Man I don't even make that much!  There's no way you could convince me that a baby in Alaska of all places needs that kind of scratch to survive!  But I digress,  Levi's lawyers are claiming that he never made more that 10K prior to 2009 but Palins lawyers have documents that say he did.  For example a construction firm that says that they paid him 18K.  Not a lot more but enough them to call you a liar and dig deeper.  Better start hiding the sh*t man!  Then again probably too late man.  Her lawyers have already issued subpoenas to CNN, Playgirl, Entertainment Tonight, The Insider, Star Magazine, and the National Enquirer wanting dollar amounts that they gave him.  You're screwed man.  Face it you're not Joe Blow you're famous and you're not going to be able to hide the cash.  Let's face it, in the court of public opinion "crying girl with screaming baby" always trumps "guy who knocked up an underage girl and then posed for Playgirl and tried to keep all the cash"

.....STUPID!!!

Tiger Woods to hold news conference at PGA Tour Headquarters on Friday.

Tiger, flanked by a few friends will be holding a conference (no questions, just Tiger's prepared statement) where he will apologize...again and get into his plans for the future and...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  Tiger, you've got to come up with some new material man, you're boring the hell out of me!

Jersey Shore is a lie??? NO F*CKING WAY!!!

I'm going to be spending the rest of the night trying to figure out how the hell Jersey Shore has been on this long and this little nugget of wisdom didn't come out sooner.  Snooki and JWOWW aren't bloody Italian!  Fox411 reports:

In an appearance on FoxNews.com's hit Web show, "The Strategy Room," Jenni "JWOWW" Farley revealed that she and some of the other cast members are not actually Italian!


Farley herself is "Spanish and Irish," while castmate Snooki is actually Chilean.

WTF??? Spanish?? Irish???  Chilean????  All this time I've been living a lie?  Jersey Shore struck me at the most honest non-scripted reality show I've ever seen!....I'm so disillusioned right now...I need a minute.

Angelina Jolie is still better than everyone else.

It's a month after the earthquake in Haiti and the U.N. goodwill ambassador Angelina Jolie finally paid them a visit.  Considering how much this woman likes to rub her own superiority in everyone's face I'm actually surprised that it took her so long to show up.  Even more surprisingly she's not there to steal adopt a Haitian kid.

I'm always open to children around the world," she said in the interview, airing in full Sunday night. "We're that kind of a family; Brad and I talk about that. But that's not what we're focusing on at this time, by any means. We're not here for that.


"We're here to see how we can help protect the children in country and scale up the needs here."

Scale up the needs?  What the hell does that mean?!?  Last time I checked these people were needy enough.  Looks like Haiti gets a new honor, being the only country in the world that Angelina Jolie does NOT want a child from.  That's cold man.