Tiger Woods Nike commercial makes me want to friggin vomit.

If anyone hasn't seen it yet, you will. I'm sure it will be plastered everywhere. This is the most sickening thing I've ever seen in my life. There's Tiger looking like a lost puppy just staring into the camera while they play the voice of his DEAD FATHER! The father says:

"Tiger, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion," Earl Woods says. "I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. Did you learn anything?"

Yes he learned something, don't f*cking send bloody text messages near your wife stupid! Hey dad, why don't you ask him if he's sorry while you're at it so I can hear another fake apology! Yeah, he's sorry all right, SORRY HE GOT CAUGHT!

I love the way it tries to tug at the heart strings. Almost makes him look like the victim doesn't it? Like a little boy who got his hands caught in the cookie jar (literally). If you haven't seen it yet, check it here at CNN in its nauseating horrifically acted entirety.

http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/us/2010/04/07/ac.nike.ad.woods.father.cnn.html

What this has to do with Nike, I'll never know. I like how Tiger drags his father out of the grave to help him endorse products. That's a nice touch. I also like how earlier this week he was saying that his father was his inspiration in rehab. Although isn't this the same father who he said cheated on his mother? So which is it Tiger? Which dad is the real one? At this point lying has become so habitual to the man so he can get what he wants (ie: money, whores, endorsements, YOUR SYMPATHY) you can't believe a single word the bastard says. Poor sad little Tiger, disgusting.

Tiger's 15th mistress has come forward. Good grief.

This one is a porn star from Tampa named Devon James. I can't keep up with this guy. Anyway this one says that she had a three way with Tiger and she had had sex with him while his wife Elin was pregnant. Nice.

She goes on with the usual disclaimer of "I feel really sorry for his wife". I love it when they say that it's almost like they're some kind of uninvolved third party and finally she said that more mistresses will come out. Of this I have no doubt.

Ok, so maybe Tiger's not that cheap...when it comes to protecting his ass!

Remember yesterday when Tiger's women were telling Vanity Fair that they had to pull his arm to get a lousy chicken wrap? Well Rachel Uchitel (harlot #1) didn't have that problem. She got 10 million in hush money! Damn man!!! TMZ reports:

There were numerous reports Rachel settled on the brink of holding a Gloria Allred-style news conference for anywhere between $2 - 5 million.

But our sources -- and they are good -- tell TMZ Tiger was so concerned with the depth and detail of information from Alleged Mistress #1 that they folded like a cheap suit, and offered the huge $10 million sum in return for an ironclad confidentiality agreement.

TMZ has learned the actual settlement could fluctuate $1 million either way, depending on future circumstances. But the baseline is $10 mil.

Compare Rachel's settlement with what other A.M's received, if they got anything at all. We're told several mistresses got several hundred thousand dollars, and others got nothing. That speaks volumes about how much Rachel knows.

Un-friggin-believable. When the hell did being a homewrecker get to be so damn profitable??? I'm in the wrong line of work! Although you have to admit it is kinda funny how some of them didn't even get so much as a tip. I'm sure they'll make a few bucks prostituting themselves to the tabloids. They pay better.

Tiger Woods' mistresses claim he's cheap.

Vanity Fair got an interview with four of them. Pretty much the usual, making themselves out to not be the home-wrecking whores that they are, making like they're the victims, blah, blah, blah. Oh, and he's cheap too:

A penetrating profile of the champion golfer's inner circle and his secret life has emerged, and Woods is described as being insatiable, unsatisfied at home – and cheap.

The only thing Woods ever bought girlfriend Mindy Lawton was a chicken wrap from Subway, she tells Vanity Fair, while Jamie Jungers blamed her breakup from the golfer on his refusal to help her financially. Jungers also reveals that all her rendezvous with Tiger were organized through Bryon Bell, contradicting Woods's recent statements that no one in his inner circle knew about his affairs.

That's just breaking my f*cking heart! I guess prostitutes usually cost more than a chicken wrap, my bad. They should be more understanding of Tiger. Sure he was cheap but running around with a dozen women at once is expensive, you gotta cut corners man.

Here's a link to some video on the Vanity Fair website of their photographers trying to make these streetwalkers look glamorous...it's pathetic.

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2010/05/tiger-woods-girls-exclusive-video-201005

Tiger likes to talk dirty.

Joslyn James, Tiger whore number whatever. Has released her text messages of raunchy crap that she exchanged between Tiger and herself. Tmz.com reports:

The site, sextingjoslynjames.com, includes texts that say:

- OK, I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust.
- I want to treat you rough, throw you around, spank and slap you
- Have you ever had a golden shower done to you? ... just morbid curiosity.
- You are my f**king whore. Hold you down while I choke you

It's interesting ... Joslyn has omitted the messages she sent to Tiger, so we don't know what she said that may have egged him on.

And then there's this, on September 8, 2009: "Having a few issues at home. Might be a little later before I see you tonight." That text is followed by "parent hood melt down :)"

And the last message is dated October 4, 2009. It says, "Don't f**king talk to me. You almost just ruined my whole life. If my agent and these guys would have seen you there, F**k."

For the record, Tiger references golfing in three different tournaments in the texts: The Buick Open, Bridgestone Invitational, and BMW Championship -- he won all three.

Personally I love the fact that every whore has some version of the same story "I'm the victim". Some say "I thought he loved me", or "I was just there for companionship. I'm not a prostitute" or "I feel sorry for his wife but I deserve an apology too!" and of course Joslyn's "It's time the truth came out about Tiger".

Ladies, (and I use the phrase in its loosest possible sense) let's not beat around the bush (sorry) lets call this like it is shall we? How about "I'm a whore and I want my 15 minutes of fame to milk as much interview money out of this as I can and I want to prove that I'm different than the other gazillion so that maybe I can get my own reality show or maybe a job at a newspaper like Elliot Spitzer's whore...but I'm not a whore".

Tiger Woods looses Gatorade deal.

I know, its breaking your heart too. Gatorade dropped his worthless ass. Apparently whoring isn't good for Gatoraides wholesome image. Go figure!

Elin Woods is going home to Tiger,...wait WTF???

In a move that I can't even believe could possibly be true radaronline.com is reporting that Elin Woods is going home to Orlando to Tiger with the kids.  You've GOT to be kidding me!!!  I know a lot of people out there are saying "but Tiger has hundreds of millions of dollars, she probably likes money" and I don't dispute the money factor but when you consider this dudes relations with many, several, THOUSANDS of whores she'd easily take the whole enchilada in a divorce so I don't get it!  Radar reports:

“Tiger is trying to put his marriage back together, trying to prove to Elin that he’s changed,” the source said. “She hasn’t committed to staying in the marriage but the fact that she has been participating in his therapy and went away with him is a big step toward the two of them staying married.”


Changed???  Good God Elin!  When even the whore parade are all saying that once a cheater always a cheater maybe you should flush out the head gear and wake the f*ck up woman!!!

Jesus man.

Tiger's mom still loves him! (how much is she getting for this?)

Tiger's mom Kultida still loves her son.  I'm not shocked of course.  How many times have you seen some kid get hauled of for murdering somebody in a botched robbery only to hear their mothers sob in front of the camera "he's a good boy!".  Ok, not quite the same thing but the principal is the same.  Here's what she had to say:

"He didn't kill anybody. He didn't do anything illegal ... People don't understand that Tiger has a very good heart and soul."

and loving Kultida, you forgot LOVING!


"If anyone tells me to condemn him, I say look at yourself first."

Sorry Kultida,  I haven't cheated on my wife and kids by sleeping with EVERY F*CKING WHORE IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES!!!

Tiger Woods won't shut the hell up!

Because let's face it, there's no way to get away from this guy today Tiger gave us a really boring (but well scripted) news conference.  I'll spare you the tedium posting a transcript of it verbatum and just give you the highlights...

I'm sorry (again)

It's my fault (no sh*t)

I'm in treatment (give me a break, there's no such thing as rehab for banging whores because you know you can!  Contrary to what Hollywood would have you believe, some things are not due to "oh, I have an addiction, I need rehab" it's due to your OWN DARN LACK OF SELF CONTROL!!!

Elin never hit me (bullsh*t)

I'm the one to blame (once again, no sh*t)

I hurt all the kids around the world who admired me (you're a golfer....period.)

(and of course most shockingly) I've had affairs, I have cheated.   (.....holy....sh*t.)

Blah, blah, blah, you get the idea.  Of couse one does have to ask...why the hell is he apologizing to us for?  Go apologize to your wife man!  She's the one you probably gave God knows what to!.....and you sounded like some kind of robot.  Try memorizing the speech so they don't have to read it into your earpiece.

Tiger Woods to hold news conference at PGA Tour Headquarters on Friday.

Tiger, flanked by a few friends will be holding a conference (no questions, just Tiger's prepared statement) where he will apologize...again and get into his plans for the future and...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  Tiger, you've got to come up with some new material man, you're boring the hell out of me!

It was only a question of minutes...Tiger porn.

Vivid Entertainment is going to milk this bastard for everything they can while they can!  Get ready for the Tiger porn parody "Tiger's Wood"!  No I'm not making this up.  The New York Daily News reports:

The skin flick bills itself as the "official porn parody" of the allegedly sex-crazed golfer’s reported antics, according to the Web site, which has obtained a copy of the script.


The film, to be produced by Adam & Eve Pictures, will star Tyler Knight as the embattled golfer and Kayden Kross as Elin Nordegren, according to a statement posted on Knight's Web site.

"I'm playing porn-Elin," an ecstatic Kross tweeted.

The company expects the film to hit smut shops' shelves within eight weeks.

A producer for Adam & Eve Pictures who was quoted in the statement described the marriage of the roiling celebrity scandal and a porno parody as "a natural."

"Every day, there seems to be some new development or girlfriend exposed, and it really has captured the attention of the public," Meredith Christopher said, adding, "We may have another release depending on what happens in the near future."

Jesus....H....Christ. 

Nice going Tiger, now you got whole country of Sweden after you...stupid!

Access Hollywood had a cool article on the Swedish reaction to the Tiger Woods scandal. for those of you who don't speak Swedish I will translate:

The Woods sex scandal has indeed struck a particularly raw nerve in Sweden (THEY'RE PISSED!), where Nordegren’s transition from being a nanny for golfer Jesper Parnevik to the wife of one of the world’s most famous athletes was long seen as a fairy-tale romance (THAT WENT FRIGGIN SOUTH!!!).


Over the last five years, sightings of the couple on the streets of Stockholm or in nearby Vaxholm in the archipelago — where Nordegren grew up — helped create a sense of connection to a man renowned for his reclusive persona (AND NON-RECLUSIVE COCK!!!).

But like the drop in temperatures that brought a blizzard of snow (AND WHORES...MANY...MANY  WHORES!!!)over the Scandinavian country on Tuesday, Woods’ admitted (YOU CAN'T REALLY DENY IT) betrayal of his wife has turned public opinion considerably cooler.

“We have taken him to heart and almost viewed him like one of us (ONLY BLACK!),” said Niklas Olovzon, a sponsorship and brand expert who heads the communications agency S&B. “Of course that has made this a much bigger deal … I don’t think we’ll forgive him as quickly.”

Instead, there is an outpouring of sympathy and support for Nordegren, who has claims to fame in Sweden beyond her marriage to Woods. Nordegren’s mother, Barbro Holmberg, is a well-known Social Democratic politician and former migration minister while her father Thomas Nordegren is a prominent radio journalist (WHO WANTS YOUR ASS DEAD!!!).

“She comes from two sort of Swedish houses of nobility (THEY GOT MUSCLE!), so there is a sense that this is personal (REAL PERSONAL!), McCormac said. “I’m not sure how much the Swedish public embraced Elin before this. But now, that sense of ownership and that sense of communion with her has gotten stronger.”


That’s been evident in the country’s newspapers during the last few weeks, where the numerous front-page headlines and articles have focused as much on Nordegren as on Woods (AND REVENGE!).

There has been constant speculation about whether she’ll stay with her husband (NO F*CKING WAY!), advice about how to repair her marriage (KILL HIM.), and jokes about why she used a golf club to smash the back passenger windows of Woods’ SUV the night of his infamous car crash outside their home in Florida (JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE). Local police said his wife told them she did it to help get her husband out (OF THIS MORTAL COIL!).

In a country that prides itself on gender equality and independent women, the image of a golf club-wielding Nordegren is a source of widespread satisfaction (HILLARY KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL!).

“For us, it was almost a positive thing that she smashed the car window,” Olovzon said. “We like strong women in a lot of ways (THEY MAKE GOOD ENFORCERS).”

Britta Svensson, a columnist in the newspaper Expressen, summed it up like this:


“A week ago, Tiger and Elin were the cutest couple on the globe,” Svensson wrote shortly after the reports of numerous mistresses started seeping out. “Now our Swedish hearts are brimming with pride that our own Elin — not a regular nanny but the daughter of a Social Democratic minister and Swedish Radio journalist — didn’t take any … Elin is our heroine (A VALKRIE OF VENGENCE!).”

The same can no longer be said of Woods, of course, regardless of golf’s immense popularity in the country (??? UNTRANSLATABLE)

Thank you, 'Hej då'

Elin Nordegren marketing against Tiger brand Nike?...Brilliant!!!

Somebody at Puma deserves a raise.  TMZ is reporting Elin Nordegren, Tigers MUCH cheated on wife is in negotiations with Puma to be the spokeswoman for their new Swedish line.  Tiger pitches for Nike, their rival.  I love it!!!  This is pure marketing genius!!!  By all means, go for it Elin!!!

Tiger's probably not feeling so hot right now...neither is Nike.

Me thinks Star Magazine might be full of sh*t.

This little Tiger bandwagon might be getting out of control because now it looks like people are just making sh*t up.  Looks like any woman who has been photographed with Tiger is now fair game.  Case in point Star Magazine has a pic of Tiger with Jessica Simpson so now they've got a whole story on their seedy affair (yeah right).  Star writes:

Just days before Jessica's split with Tony Romo, she had a sizzling meeting with the fallen golf star at the AT&T National Pro-Am golf tournament in Bethesda, Md.


"Tiger liked what he saw and let her know it," a source tells Star.

Since Jess had been fighting with Tony — who was Tiger's golf partner at the July tournament — she gave as good as she got.

“Jessica said that she felt like Tony wasn’t paying attention to her, so she was like, ‘What the heck!’ ” says the source. “She decided to have fun with Tiger whether it bothered Tony or not.”

Their words in the italics!  Not mine!    "He saw what he liked and let her know it?" "Gave as good as she got?" "What the heck"!?!  Jesus, it sounds like it was written by a horny 13 year old.   Hey Star Magazine!  Try hiring some writers who are PAST puberty!!!

Remember kids, if you want to read the rest of the article you have to buy a copy of Star Magazine they won't tell you on their website.  Alternatively, you could just read it in the supermarket checkout and keep your money.  Whatever's good for you.

Tiger was deeply traumatized by his father's cheating ways...wait...huh???

This is either the biggest load of hypocracy I've ever heard or a sad attempt to look like Mr. Sensitive to get a girl into bed.  I'm going with B.  Tiger's high school girl had this to say about young Tiger.  E! News reports:

Dina Parr, whom he dated during high school and into his freshman year in college, exclusively tells E! News that Woods would call her from the road during the summer to talk about his parents' relationship.



"He would just call crying and say, 'My dad is with another woman,' and that would be all he could say," she says. "He would be so upset, so I just tried to be there for him and listen to him."


Woods was famously close to his dad, Earl, who died in 2006.


"He loved his father," Parr tells E! News in the exclusive interview. "And I know that was the one thing about his dad that he could never get over. So yeah, it's interesting that it's turned out that he's doing the same thing."

I'm not so sure if "interesting" would be the word I would use.  How about PLAYA!

So that's how Tiger did it...hush money! Should have seen that one coming.

So that's how Tiger pulled it off for so long without anyone knowing...cold hard cash!  How much does this guy make???  MSNBC reports:

According to several women who were involved with the golfer, Woods wired money to them on a monthly basis. The dollar amounts they cite range from $5,000 to $10,000 per month, and there’s talk among those women that someone out there might be getting as much as $20,000 per month.


“The money comes via a wire transfer,” said one woman. “There’s no contract about it, there’s no discussion about what it’s for, but it’s implied that it’s in exchange for keeping quiet about his affair.”

With paying off just about every woman on the planet, that's GOT to add up!  You know Tiger, one mistress would have been a hell of alot cheaper.  FYI

The porn star one says she's "not a homewrecker"! Then what are you?

Holly Sampson, who TMZ says is mistress #7 (I'll take their word on it) says she's not a homewrecker because she met (banged) Tiger at a bachelor party (his) in 2004 and since he wasn't married yet it's totally ok.

Sidenote:  To all readers male or female.  If you found out your fiance' f*cked a porn star on their bachelor / bachelorette party.  Would you find that "OK"?   Neither would I.

She also doesn't like being grouped with the others!

"Although I enjoyed our time together, I never was and never will be one of Tiger's mistresses.I resent being put in the same category as the other women."

I love how they're all trying to make like they're in a different category!  "I'm not a...(homewrecker / mistress / porn star / cocktail girl / escort / easy ) because Tiger at the time was...(married / unmarried / out of town / holding a fistful of $20's with this wedding band exposed)".   I'm going to save all of you "ladies" the trouble of straining your minds to try to make yourselves feel unique or totally "innocent" (see above).  Let's go for 1 blanket term...slut.

You're welcome.

Tiger mistress Jaimee Grubbs has incredible logic too!!!

Jamiee (mistress # I lost count) Grubbs also feels sorry for Tiger's wife.  Your sympathies have been duly noted.  Why doesn't everyone just sign a f'ing card!  However she also says:

"If it wasn't me, it was going to be other girls. I did care about him -- I didn't do it for superficial reasons. I didn't do it to purposely hurt her."


Let's break that one down a bit.  Let's see, if it wasn't you it was going to be someone else so what the hell!  Man, Jaimee you should be a goodwill ambassador for the f*cking U.N.! 
 
You didn't do it for superficial reasons, ok I actually believe that one.  However, "you didn't do it to hurt her".  I can't even dignify that one with a response.  Yes I can.  You're disgusting Jaimee.

Rachel Uchitel is shocked that she's not the exclusive whore/homewrecker/slut. (pick the one you want)

The thing that gets me about all of these Tiger Woods mistresses is how they all have the most deludued of minds.  Rachel (mistress #1) apart  from the fact that she feels "sorry" for Tiger's wife (then don't slam a married man stupid) also is shocked that he had so many mistresses.  Give me a break.  She also has confided to friends that she wants to be tested for STD's.  Must be the thing about a few of them being escorts, porn stars or full blown hookers.  Jesus woman, are you expecting sympathy???  The only person in this case that's going to get any is his WIFE!  Are you stupid Rachel?!?  What did you think you were the exclusive "other woman"?  If he'd cheat on his wife, he'd cheat on your worthless skank ass...and sure as hell did.  Milk your five minutes of fame and begone like Spitzer's whore, what's her name.

Tiger Woods isn't Congressional gold medal material???

Tiger will not be getting a gold medal from congress.  That idea is deader than his marriage.  TMZ reports:

Earlier today, Representative Joe Baca (D-Calif) released a statement saying, "In light of the recent developments surrounding Tiger Woods and his family, I will not pursue legislation awarding him the Congressional Gold Medal this session."


Baca had previously submitted a bill to give Woods the award in recognition of his "service to the Nation in promoting excellence and good sportsmanship, and in breaking barriers with grace and dignity by showing that golf is a sport for all people."

Well dignity and grace went out the window when we hit whore #6.  As for barriers, I don't know  but I do know that he's about to break the man-whore barrier!  A record previously unbroken since Ron Jeremy broke it in 1979.  Keep reaching for the stars Tiger!