Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter.

We all love Johnny Depp. He's awesome and the word from http://www.hollywood.tv/ is that he's hooking up with Tim Burton again to do a version of Alice in Wonderland. They report:


JOHNNY DEPP is set for a trip to Wonderland, courtesy of director pal TIM BURTON.
The actor is to play the Mad Hatter in a new version of Alice in Wonderland, according to new reports.


The movie, which will hit cinema screens in 2010, will be directed by Burton. It will mark the seventh time he and Depp have worked together.


Their past successes have includedSweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Sleepy Hollow and Edward Scissorhands.


Now I love Tim Burton's gloomy ass movies but is it just me aren't they really just the same damn movie? Never the less, I think I might actually go to a theater and see this one. I love the story of Alice and Wonderland and Johnny Depp as a Burtonized, fucked up Mad Hatter sounds like something that might be worth paying to see.


Nick Hogan's having a tough time in jail! My heart bleeds.

Now that Nicks in the general population, let's intensify the sob story because HE'S the one that's suffering. Boo hoo. People magazine reports (with inserted commentary courtesy of me) :


"They had broken his spirit," (sniff, sob) Brooke Hogan, 20, tells PEOPLE. "When they put him in solitary, he was on the outs. I was worried about him, and his safety, and his well-being (I know Brooke. It keeps me up at nights too)." But now that Nick's out of a 28-day stint in solitary where he was rapidly losing weight, and in the general population (he's gotta be lovin' that!) with more privileges (like rape!), he's turning back into the little brother she knew (the kind that drinks, drag races and gets people brain damage???).


"We get to visit him three times a week like everybody else (when we have the time), but it sucks," she says. "I can't just walk over to his room and give him a hug, or talk to him, or confide in him. ... At least he's not locked in hell (have you ever been there???) , basically. And his personality is slowly coming back. I bring that out of him (no comment)." Nick, who just turned 18, is serving an eight-month jail sentence for reckless driving in an August 2007 car accident in Clearwater, Fla., that left friend John Graziano incapacitated for life. (incapacitated??? He's got a fucking hole in his fucking HEAD!)


Brooke, who is currently starring in her own reality show, Brooke Knows Best (I wouldn't bet on that one) , on VH1 says her brother's fame (???) has caused him trouble (it's not "fame" causing him trouble in jail Brooke, it's called prison justice) in jail – but nothing he can't handle (WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!!!) . "He's been threatened," she says. "Thank God he's big and he can hold his own." (BIG??? Look at the picture Brooke! I could beat this dude up!)

Monday, July 28, 2008

Jerry O'Connell knocks up Rebecca Romijn. Kudos to you man!

Well I suppose it was only a question of time. Jerry O'Connell got his wife pregnant and his super sperm got her some twins. The Huffington Post reports:

Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell will soon be on double diaper duty.

Us Weekly has learned that Romijn, 35, and O'Connell, 34, are expecting twins this winter.
A spokesman for the couple confirmed the news Monday morning.

The babies will be the first children for the pair.

God two Jerry??? Why two? Get ready for some serious stress my friend. I know she's hot and all but it's not worth that man!

Sean Bean gets arrested for assaulting his wife...man, I warned you about that fucking ring!

Why didn't you listen to me Sean! I fucking warned you about that shit! eonline reports:


Lord of the Rings and National Treasure star Sean Bean was released Friday from a London jail, where he was held overnight for allegedly assaulting his new bride.


Police arrested the 49-year-old actor at his north London home after receiving a phone call from Bean's wife of four months, Georgina, who claimed he assaulted her during an argument. He was detained for several hours, released on bail and told no further action would be taken.


"Everything is okay. Sean and I are at home together enjoying the sunshine," Georgina, 29, told reporters. "He was arrested, but everything was blown out of proportion...There's no problem between us."


The newlyweds were seen smiling and holding hands on Saturday.


This is Bean's fourth marriage.


Sean, maybe marriage isn't for you...just a thought.

Nick Hogan turn 18 yay!!!......oh wait a sec.

Our old buddy Nick "it's everyone else's fault" Hogan (Bollea) turned 18 on Sunday and the state of California had a very special present for him...being put into general population with the rest of the convicts. This should prove interesting. I wish I could have sympathy for this dude but he doesn't have any for his John Graziano. Just a whiny rich kid trying to get off because nothing is his fault. Have fun Nick! To borrow a phrase from your fucked up father "I'm sure this is God's will to make you a better person". HA HA HA HA!!!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Joker gets arrested for groping an underage girl.

Ok, it's really Andy Dick but c'mon people look at the picture! Eonline reports:


The arrest-prone actor was busted in Murietta, Calif., early this morning on felony charges of sexual battery, possession of a controlled substance, possession of marijuana and public intoxication after allegedly groping and exposing a 17-year-old restaurant patron.


The arresting officer, Lt. Dennis Vrooman, told E! News he picked up the actor at 1:13 a.m. today outside the Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant and bar after receiving a complaint about a man urinating outside and generally causing a disturbance.


I don't even know how this dude is ever allowed to roam free in the first place. He really creeps me (and I think alot of other people too) out! This is not the face of a normal man, this is the face of one crazy fuck.

Miley Cyrus wants to do a G-Rated Sex and the City...WTF???


If you can figure out a script for that one please LET ME KNOW! MSNBC reports:

It’s getting harder and harder to figure out the real Miley Cyrus. Is she a controversy-courting star or just another cherub-cheeked Disney kid? In her latest interview with TV Guide, the 15-year-old keeps the lines blurred.

In the past, Miley confessed to a love for the oh-so-adult “Sex and the City,” though according to her mother, it’s the edited for primetime version that holds her daughter’s interest. Now the teen tells TV Guide she’d “love to do a younger, cleaner version of ‘Sex and the City.’”

Just how the “Hannah Montana” actress plans to pull off a younger and cleaner version of a show about a quartet of girlfriends who share their kinkiest relationship details isn’t quite clear, but don’t count on her to clear it up.


Clean soft porn, huh??? Ok people I want you to re-read those paragraphs because I think my higher brain functions have seized up. Miley, you're becoming quite the hypocritical slut. Kudos to you! You're fulfilling your Disney destiny! They must be so proud. Do you smell that?...smells like Selma Gomez getting geared up to replace your self destructed ass. You know even Lindsay managed to hold it together until her LATE teens before self destructing. Just thought I'd mention it.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Peter Cook still wants to be friends...WTF???

Peter Cook still wants to be friends with Christie Brinkley. I'm sure she'll be down with that. Access Hollywood reports:


Peter Cook still wants to be friends with ex-wife Christie Brinkley, he told the New York Post.
After five days of divorce court that ended with a surprise settlement, Cook doesn’t seem to have hard feelings for the former supermodel. (why the hell would HE have hard feelings??? He fucked HER over!)


“I’ll never regret marrying her. We had a great time for 10 years. I’ve got two beautiful children,” he said, accompanied by new girlfriend Suzanne Shaw. (I'm surprised you can hang on to a girlfriend after revealing in court that you're a pervert)


He also told the Post that someday he hoped he and Brinkley could give away daughter Sailor, 10, at her wedding together. (keep dreaming Pete)


The trial found Cook admitting to having an affair with then-18-year-old Diana Bianchi (smooth) and spending thousands of dollars on Internet porn (smoother). He received a $2.1 million settlement, with custody of the couple’s two children, Jack, 13, and Sailor going to Brinkley.


I don't know what kind of stuff this dude is on but man that's some potent shit.

Pictures of Jolie children worth more than your life.

Man, I didn't know that having a uterus could be so profitable. Now we all know that stars selling their babies pictures is big money these days but it looks like the Jolie kids could break all previous records. The pics of her first kid Shiloh went for a cool 4 million dollars but pics for the twins could fetch an estimated 15 - 20 million. People, that's fucking crazy. They say that the money is going to go to charity and that's all well and good but 15 - 20 million for having a c-section??? Are you people fucking nuts?!?

...so needless to say they already found a buyer. Unbelievable.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Angelina Jolie has her bastard children.

Well she did it. She popped em out and abosolutely will not give a fuck about them. God I hate this woman. Just get a poor American Angelina. You can hate them all the same. If you can you bitch.

Friday, July 11, 2008

That bitch Jessica Alba's pimping her kid too.

id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ok Magazine is paying Jessica Alba 1.5 million dollars for exclusive photos of her baby as well as exclusive photos for a future "event" (major holiday or vacation photos). I got to give Jessica credit...she held out a FULL two weeks before taking the cash. It's amazing to me how much money having an illegitimate child can earn you. What the hell happened to this country? I don't know what's worse, the fact that no one even thinks twice about this sort of thing any more because "everyone's doing it" or people seem to think that this is something to be proud of.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Christie Brinkley gets a settlement in her divorce.

Things finally went well for Christie, for the most part at court today. She did get sole custody of her 2 children as well as sole authority on how they are raised. She also gets to keep all 18 properties that were being disputed. However, and here's the kicker, for some reason I have yet to understand she has to pay this douche Cook 2.1 million. I imaging it's for agreeing to the settlement but man it's pretty messed up that she has to give this cheating pervert sicko anything at all. I guess he has to recoup all of the money he blew on porn, hush money and gifts for underage whores. I didn't know you could expense that, I need to talk to my accountant.


Access Hollywood asked Christie if she planned on dating again and she responded "we'll see how the summer goes". Christie...seriously here, you know I love you but with the exception of possibly a celebrity blogger I don't think it would be such a good for you to date. After 4 suck ass marriages I've come to the conclusion that you should not date. It's nothing personal but you have LOUSY taste in men. You're a jerk magnet and each one is getting worse than the last. This one took the prize. Have a fling if you want but for the love of God, no more relationships!

Hey! Let's glamorize teen pregnancy!!!

Well, Jamie Lynn Spears' mom whored her daughters out so why not continue that noble tradition with OK magazine! They've got an exclusive (paid through the nose) interview with America's most beloved teen role model! Let's check some bits out shall we?:

The younger sister of Britney Spears (damn woman you're not even important enough to have your own NAME!) tells OK! that being away from the shining lights of Hollywood is making it all easier to learn the ins and outs of first-time motherhood. "Around here, everyone has the same focus," (inbreeding?) Jamie Lynn tells OK!. "The focus is family, and that's a good way to live." I(how old are you?)

"They'd told me it would be an eight- to 12-hour labor, and I was ready to have the baby in three to four hours," (but they induced your labor so I'm not so sure if that estimate counts) Jamie Lynn tells OK!. "I had a perfect pregnancy and a perfect delivery. I was very blessed." (yes, all 16-17 year olds should be so "blessed")



While the former (emphasis on former) Zoey 101 star and her fiancé have not yet set a date for their wedding (and never will), the couple remains closer than ever (get the fuck out of my house). Jamie Lynn, who tells OK! that while her labor was induced, she gave birth naturally (as opposed to unnaturally?) and without complications, says that Casey was the one person she wanted in the delivery room with her. "Once I got in there, my doctor was just so calm and so good it was not bad at all," she says. "I was just talking to Casey. And you know what's so weird? I was asking him if he was okay. He was like, 'Yeah.' We were both so excited." (to have ruined our lives and/or careers)

"She is very good," says Jamie Lynn. "She'll feed every two or three hours. (it's so much fun every time I'm trying to fucking relax!) When she wakes up in the middle of the night (I want to kill her), I'll feed her and she goes right back to sleep. There's no screaming and crying." (hard to scream when you're being smothered)

"We get up in the morning, and she gets her little bath. Then I get my bath. (nothing like babies having babies) We have a routine, and I love routines. (too easy, next) I've worked one out with her, and we're happy going about our little life." (and how little it is Jamie, how very little)

Even if you didn't know who Jamie Lynn Spears was reading these little nuggets of wisdom would tell anyone that we are dealing with a child who has no clue what she has done to her life. I wonder when she's going to give an exclusive interview on everything that newborn babies do that make you want to throw them out the fucking window. I can't wait to look at the national statistics just to see how many teens follow her fine example.

Keep working America! Teen mothers on welfare are depending on you!!!

...fucking worthless maggots.

Ok Nicole I get the name thing now.

As I previously posted Nicole Kidman gave her daughter a traditional stupid Hollywood name. It appears that I may have been rash in my judgement and that this name may have meaning after all. Her middle name Rose (the normal name) was for her husband's grandmother. Simple enough. Now the kid's first name Sunday can have two meanings depending on who you talk to. If you talk to Nicole, Sunday was the first name of an early 20th century artistic muse (no, I've never heard of her either) if you talk to her friends Sunday is an insult to Tom Cruise because Nicole is a religious woman and Sundays were always important to her until Tom and his Xenu express fouled everything up. Either way, it's something I can understand. Thank you for clearing that up Nicole. My faith is restored.

...although one can't help but to wonder what a future conversation with your daughter might be like. Maybe:

Sunday: "Mommy, how did I get my name?"

Nicole: "Well mommy did that to bitch slap mommy's first husband who was a alien worshipping freak who didn't have what it took to knock up mommy but did to knock up some no talent strumpet!"

Sunday: "ok mommy."


...precious.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Nicole Kidman has a baby girl.

Nicole Kidman had her baby girl today in Nashville. She is said to be doing very well. Now I know I spend a lot of time blogging and being a cynical son of a bitch but I'd like to wish Nicole Kidman and her husband Keith Urban the very best of luck and congratulations. I know how badly she wanted this baby and now she's the happiest woman in the world.
(photo from nicole-kidman.us)
*UPDATE: Sunday Rose?!? You named the kid Sunday fucking Rose??? God damn it Kidman! I thought you were the normal one! What the hell is it with famous people and their obsession with seeing who can give their kid the most asinine name they could think of! Fuck!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

One person proves me wrong...oh wait, no she doesn't.

Well holy crap, an American actress who cases about Americans! Jane Krakowski stars in Kit Kittredge: An American Girl and is appearing on the NYC stage in the musical Damn Yankees is in Louisiana working with Habitat for Humanity and helping to build homes for people who lost theirs in hurricane Katrina wait a sec, how many years ago was that storm? It's been 3 fucking years Hollywood and you're noticing NOW??? What the hell do we have to do to get you to give a shit about your own people have a fucking genocide?!?!?!?
(photo from okmagazine.com. By the way OK I like the title of your article "Jane Krakowski gives back". I've got a better one. How about "Jane Krakowski gives back a day late and a dollar fucking short" or maybe "Jane Krakowski needs publicity badly and doesn't understand what current events are". Yeah, that could work. You're welcome Hollywood.)

Ben Affleck becomes like everyone else in Hollywood.

Matt Damon and a bunch of other Hollywood hot shots went to Las Vegas to compete in a celebrity game of Texas Hold'em at the Rio Pavillion to benefit the victims of Darfur region of Sudan.

Now I'm going to have to sound like a bastard here for saying anything about a humanitarian effort here but I'd like to mention another humanitarian effort that no one in Hollywood wants to even acknowledge even exists...Americans. Why the hell is it that nobody famous wants to help their own people? I turn on the TV and all I see is stars flying all over the world to help all the world to help people in some country in the middle of nowhere but NEVER do I see a single one of them helping people in the country where they made their millions. Americans can't be poor too? Americans can't suffer? I guess there's no such thing after all I don't think Angelina Jolie is ever going to adopt an AMERICAN crack baby (remember they don't exist) but if she found one in Africa she'd grab it so fast it would make your head spin. Fuck you Hollywood you bunch of stuck up self righteous fucks.

(photo from people.com...my nausea from utter disgust)

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Tatum O'Neal gets the friggin book thrown at her!

Super rough celebrity justice baby! etonline reports:


Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Elisa Koenderman ordered O'Neal to spend two half-day sessions in a drug treatment program and pay a $95 fee. If she complies, she will get a conditional discharge and the conviction will be erased if she stays out of trouble for one year.
The Oscar-winning actress, daughter of actor Ryan O'Neal, was arrested June 1 on suspicion of buying cocaine on a Manhattan street. She was the youngest person ever to win an Academy Award for 'Paper Moon' in 1973 at age 10.


Holy crap dude! Not one but TWO HALF DAYS! Son of a bitch! Tatum! You gotta file an appeal against this ruling! This is a very clear case of cruel and ususual punishment! and you got to wait a whole year before the courts pretend that it never happened AND they hit you with a $95 dollar fee! No way dude! That's just insane.

It's The Contoller's boatload of human depravity!

This story keeps getting better and better. Michael Lohan is trying to make some bucks off of this kid too. TMZ reports:

Michael Lohan should be named father of the freakin' century. Now Daddy Trainwreck wants to cash in on his might-be illegitimate daughter, whether he's the daddy or not. We're hearing MiLo tried to seal the deal with at least two celeb weeklies over the results of his paternity: He's asking $10K for the story if he's not the dad -- and $20K if he is the dad. That's because he's also talking about selling the pictures of the first meeting between Lindsay and her new half-sister. People and OK! have politely declined his effed up offer.

And I thought this dude couldn't sink any lower. Yeah, this kid's not going to grow up messed up beyond all belief or anything. Guaranteed.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Heidi Montag wants to record a Christian album...God weeps.

Sure why not wake up one morning and decide to record a religious album? I think that's a great idea for a friggin idiot like Heidi Montag. USA Today reports:


The feminine half of “The Hills” power-couple Spencer and Heidi wants to record a Christian album, according to USA Today.


“I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God,” said Montag, who calls herself a “kind of non-denominational Baptist.”


Heidi, a reportedly regular Bible reader, once wanted to be a missionary. In August, she’ll get to fulfill part of that dream when she and Spencer travel to Africa to “feed children and help build things.”
Heidi’s faith has helped her weather the dramatic storms of “The Hills,” including the scandal over an alleged sex tape involving former friend Lauren Conrad.


“There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that,” Heidi said. “God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know?”


Now I want everyone to pay extra attention to that last sentence up there. Heidi Montag just compared herself to Jesus Christ. I love this woman! Open mouth insert stupid! Although if anyone does want to nail this clown to a tree I could be persuaded to look the other way.
Newer Posts Older Posts Home